Auburn Sovereign Grace Fellowship » Church Philosophy

Thoughts on Parenting Pt. 4

Tim Pickard — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 00:41:19 +0000

Matt Schmucker and his wife Elisabeth recently wrote an article for 9marks ministries entitled, “39 Lessons, 20 Tips and 10 ‘Don’ts’ for Parenting.” This is the fourth in a series of excerpts from the article breaking it down into more bite size pieces.

20 MORE TIPS FOR RAISING GOD-HONORING CHILDREN

The saying goes, “When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” We believe daddy is actually the problem. From a complementarian’s viewpoint one needs to conclude the above saying with, “And if daddy ain’t happy in the Lord, ain’t nobody happy.”

In a stay-at-home-mom scenario, dad tends to back away from discipline when mom has been with the children all day. In one sense this is wise as he has not observed the rhythm and rhyme of the day. However, dad needs to catch up and jump in.

Talk to both good and not-so-good parents; you’ll learn lessons from both.

Talking to really old parents may not prove to be fruitful as their memories fade and they’ll remember raising kids as either a nightmare or a glorious experience. Talking to parents 5-10 years ahead of where you are seems most fruitful (Prov. 15:22: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed”).

Though you may think this premature, have a vision for being involved spiritually with your grandchildren. This will shape even your parenting.

Positive example: Paul writing to Timothy said, “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in your also” (2 Tim. 1:5).

Negative example: “After that whole generation had been gathered to their fathers, another generation grew up, who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel” (Judg. 2:10).

Let your children see you practicing hospitality and let them participate. This breaks down the selfish tendencies all kids have (Rom. 12:13: “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality”).

Unbelievers set up their home for the benefit of themselves. Christians should set up and use their homes for the benefit of their family, the church community, and outsiders (notice the order of this list).

Supporting verses:

“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8).

“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Gal. 6:10).

If we could do it again, we would not have a television in our home. The television competes with more important things going on in the home. It competes for right thinking in the mind of the child. If you have a television, then watch it with your children (when you can) and play “catch the lies.”

Our generation of parents encourages children to express themselves and vent all that’s on their minds. My parents’ generation grew up under the instruction that “Children are to be seen and not heard.” Both appear to be out of balance. Proverbs 10:8 says, “The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin.” Ephesians 4:29 suggests that the purpose of speech is to the benefit of the listener.

Hate is a Strong Word

Tim Pickard — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 01:04:22 +0000

The following video is a short snippet of John Piper commenting on (or maybe I should say cursing) the prosperity gospel. It made me think of Galatians 1.

Dressed for Success

Josh Winans — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 18:12:24 +0000

It’s hot out!! I say that as I sit in my air conditioned office nearly needing a sweatshirt to stay warm while the air is on and then immediatly sweating when it goes off. As the temperature rises, the amount of clothing that people, particularly women, wear decreases. Unfortunately this trend does not stop among church people. We all must ask ourselves, why do we wear what we wear?

Peter reminds women in 1 Peter 3 that beauty is best when it comes from the heart, the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. Beauty is more internal than external. If you applied the time you spend on enhancing your outward appearance to your heart, would you look different? Now, does that mean that this becomes the standard or is there another way to think about dress and fashion in regards to our world. In other words, since the world abuses fashion by making it inappropriate do we simply abandon it altogether and seek to cover as much skin as possible? Or is it possible to be fashion conscious while upholding the principles of modesty found in the Bible? For example, the world has abused sexual intimacy. As believers our job is to show the world the beauty of sexual intimacy in its proper context as defined by God. Can we do the same with fashion?

I can’t really answer the question because I usually ask my wife to make sure I match and I shave my head so that I don’t have to comb my hair. I am ignorant in most things fashion. This blog series is very helpful for thinking through some of these issues. There are seven parts to the series so make sure you read them all(2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7). There are a couple of other posts under the category of modesty that are also excellent. Finally, on a very practical level here is an effort by these ladies to attempt to pursue biblical modesty and true beauty.

Women, please read this material and consider implementing those things you find biblically based. I will leave you with a short quote from this testimony.

I began to understand the heart and soul of modesty. Modesty is humility expressed in dress, a desire to serve others, neither promoting nor provoking sensuality or lust. It is rooted in a desire to lose any and all consideration of self and live hidden behind the cross of Christ. I became more and more aware that my dress was not an outward expression of the gospel, or humility. I began by aggressively examining my wardrobe.

Help Wanted- Deacons

Josh Winans — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 22:12:38 +0000

MEN

We desire to formally recognize and implement deacons in our body. Recognizing and affirming deacons has both a clear biblical precedent and is currently a strategic and urgent practical need.

During this process, it is essential that we hold to the qualifications outlined in 1 Timothy 3:8-13. We must ask not only does a man have the ability to perform deacon responsibilities but also does he have the spiritual character. The list is very demanding:

Man of Dignity – exemplary spiritual and moral character.
Not Double-Tongue – integrity and truthfulness of speech.
Not Addicted to much wine – not controlled by, or addicted to alcohol.
Not fond of sordid gain – his service is not motivated by financial profit.
Holding to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience – grounded in Biblical truth and his daily life is consistent with Biblical knowledge.
After testing, found to be above reproach – there is nothing that he could genuinely be accused of.
Husbands of only one wife – a ‘one woman’ man, faithful to his marriage.
Good manager of their children and household – a good father and spiritual leader at home and providing an orderly, well managed home.

The reward is encouraging. Paul says that those who have served well, obtain for themselves a high standing and great confidence in the faith.

If you compare this list with the qualifications of an elder in the previous verses, you will notice the main difference to be a deacon is not one who is able to teach. The call to deacon is a high one and one we must take seriously.

If you have reviewed these qualifications and you know someone well enough to have evaluated them positively in each area, please submit their name to the elders by August 27^th.

Be thorough in that you know each to be true. In other words, it is not enough to not recognize anything negative in a person’s life. We must be sure that the positive aspects of these qualifications are apparent. You may never have heard a man be double-tongued but have you heard him speak honestly, even when it was difficult? Have you been in his home to know if it is well managed? Also recognize that every man fails in these areas at some time. Yet, as a habit, does a man lead this kind of life? Leadership is critical in the growth of the church and we must all be careful that those who are biblically qualified lead us into the future.

WOMEN DEACONS?

As elders we also worked through the nature of a woman’s role in this area. The text in I Timothy 3 calls women to be dignified, not malicious gossips but temperate, faithful in all things. Is there an official office of women deacons, or is this talking about something different? There are great men on both sides of the issue.

Some say this passage is clearly talking about women deacons. They would say that this is not an authoritative office and it does not require any leadership of men of which the Bible speaks against emphatically. Also, Paul uses the term translated likewise to introduce the new office of deacon and then he uses the same term for the office of a woman deacon.

Others say this is not a separate office for women. They would point out that the word for women in 1 Timothy 3:11 may be translated wives and could easily refer to the wives of deacons. That would explain why, without any clarification, Paul goes back to talking about deacons in verse 12. Also, if women were meant to be deacons, why would Paul list the same qualifications for them in this verse?

Because of the strong arguments on both sides, we did not feel comfortable vigorously affirming a position as an elder board. There are some things we affirmed however.

We believe that men are to be the leaders of the church and are to teach and exercise authority.
We believe men and women are called to serve in the local body.
We believe that women serving in a recognized, formal matter should be qualified according to the principles found in 1 Timothy 3:11.

Dignified – exemplary spiritual and moral character.
Not Malicious gossips – does not slander others
Temperate – balanced in judgment and self-control
Faithful in all things – trustworthy in all her endeavors

We ask again, if you have intimate knowledge of a woman that fits these characteristics, please submit her name to an elder by August 27th. Our desire is to faithfully shepherd God’s church. Your diligence will certainly help us in that effort.

Youth Ministry Development

Tim Pickard — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 19:04:33 +0000

By God’s grace the youth ministry meeting last night was an encouraging and exciting time as we thought through our future ministry to youth. For those of you who missed the meeting here is a summary of what we covered.

For those of you who were there here are a couple of statements that will help refresh your memory.

Overall Goal- That students would embrace the gospel for their salvation and then live out the gospel as they grow in holiness and spread the gospel to the world around them.

Strategy- We believe an age specific ministry to students will be most effective towards this goal only as students are:

1. Practically involved in the whole church body and

2. Genuinely relating to and learning from their parents.

If these two aspects are priorities and we are committed to effectively living in and reaching our community we will find it a necessity to guard against schedule domination as we think through what student ministries will look like.

All parents and students (it might be helpful to brainstorm and discuss together) here at ASG now have an assignment: to give ideas and input for what the youth ministry will look like. Below I have given a series of questions to help you think through the different areas that we will need to develop. It may seem a bit overwhelming so feel free to use it as you wish. Be thoughtful and creative.

As you seek to answer each of these questions be ready to explain how your answers fit into our overall goal and our strategy for most effectively reaching this goal.

Consistent Meetings-

How often?
When?
Where?
Who?
What activities should these meetings consist of?

Parent Equipping/Encouragement/Support-

What are different forms that resources for parents might take? In other words, where might help and encouragement come from?
What are different ways that these resources can get into the hands of parents?

Service Projects-

In what ways can students (and possibly their families with them) serve the body here at Auburn Sovereign Grace Fellowship?
In what ways can students (and possibly their families with them) serve the community of Auburn?

Parent/Student Relationship Building Activities-

What kinds of activities and events can we plan that will provide an opportunity for genuine and open relationships between parents and students to be developed?
What kinds of resources can we provide that will help parents and students to come together on their own time in developing genuine and open relationships?

Whole Church Involvement-

How can we encourage and facilitate the development of relationships between students and older, more mature members of the church?
How can students be involved in the life of the church as a whole in a way that is meaningful and according to God’s design?

Peer Fellowship-

How often should activities, events, and trips take place in order to fit with our overall strategy?
What kinds of activities, events, and trips might effectively encourage peer fellowship?

Here are several links to churches that are doing youth ministry from a similar perspective to ours. They are fairly similar to each other but may give you some ideas.

http://www.covfel.org/pages/index.php?pID=938
http://www.vistanewlife.org/ourlife/youth.htm
http://www.covlife.org/ourlife/youth.php

As I was thinking about this whole process I was reminded that we are not seeking to develop some sort of magical process or program that will automatically convert or grow students. We seek, by God’s grace, to be faithful and then rely fully on His grace to change hearts and mature individuals.

Please use the reply function below to submit your ideas (this will allow us to see each other’s comments and get ideas from one another). If this is too complicated feel free to e-mail me or to write me a note. Thank you so much for investing your time in this way.

Relevance and Faithfulness

Tim Pickard — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 00:00:35 +0000

Over at Together for the Gospel Mark Dever recently wrote a post on faithfulness and relevance in ministry. This is a difficult balance as we “seek to be all things to all men,” (1 Corinthians 9:20-22) while at the same time seeking to “guard what has been entrusted” to us (1 Timothy 6:20, see also 2 Timothy 3:14-4:4). Dever’s observations and statements are helpful and thought-provoking.

I think the most basic practical division among evangelical pastors today may be between those who pursue faithfulness and assume relevance and those who pursue relevance and assume faithfulness.

I know I have found the above statement to be quite true in my expierence.

The middle of the spectrum is where each of us intends to be–the right balance, the perfect combination of utter faithfulness to the Gospel and piercing relevance in its presentation.

and finally…

I remember taking a walk with Don Carson once, and Don remarking something to the effect that the first generation has the Gospel, the second generation assumes the Gospel, the third generation loses the Gospel. I am concerned that too many people who have the Gospel are lazy with it, compassionless, and not sufficiently motivated to spread it. I fear that this is me. Pray for me and Capitol Hill Baptist Church in this. On the other hand, there are those who in the name of evangelism, simply assume that everybody sufficiently understands the Gospel, and will alter everything to make the non-Christian feel more at home in their public services. (WHO EVER SAID THAT MOST OF THE CHURCH’S EVANGELISM SHOULD BE DONE THROUGH OUR PUBLIC SERVICES?!) They give themselves to pursue relevance thinking that THAT is their major challenge, assuming that holding on to the Gospel itself is comparatively easy.

Consider what you and I will do to the Gospel message in our churches if we continue to change the “presentation” of the Gospel until we begin to get a response.

Pursue faithfulness and relevance. Know that the Gospel is always relevant. NEVER assume the Gospel.

By God’s grace may we follow this exhortation both as a church and as individuals. Feel free to share thoughts on how these two issues are practically balanced and brought to work together for God’s glory.

Prayer for the Elder Retreat

Tim Pickard — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 21:29:10 +0000

The Elders of SGF are leaving late this afternoon for two nights to pray, plan, strategize, and discuss issues vital to the future of this body.

We ask that you as a body would serve us by praying for God to grant us wisdom, insight, unity, humility, faithfulness, and grace during this time. Pray that we would feel the weight of our responsibility (Acts 20:28-30, 1 Timothy 4:15-16, Hebrews 13:17, 1 Peter 5:1-4) and that we would respond in dependence on God’s grace and the working of the Holy Spirit. Pray that God would cause our love for this flock to increase more and more and that we would be diligent in watching over the souls God has entrusted to our care.

Relating to this issue here is a solid and encouraging message by C.J. Mahaney on the relation of the congregation and leadership. You can download it for free or listen to it online.

We as elders thank you already for how, in the short life of this body, you have exemplified submission and teachability. God’s grace is evident and active in the family of God here at SGF.

Grace Groups: Together Pursuing Christ

Tim Pickard — Thu, 25 May 2006 05:46:54 +0000

Sunday June 4th is the launch date for Grace Groups here at Sovereign Grace Fellowship. Each group will meet Sunday evenings from 6-8 at various homes throughout the greater Auburn area. These home small groups will be the primary avenue for fellowship, discipleship, service and many other aspects of our church life here at SGF.

We are desiring and asking for maximum involvement and participation in these groups believing that they are strategic and crucial for the development, growth and maturing of each individual and the body as a whole. More details will be coming soon but for now be sure to set aside this night on your calendar.

Children’s Cirriculum

Tim Pickard — Mon, 15 May 2006 21:00:05 +0000

FYI- I will be ordering children’s cirriculum this week from Desiring God. Thought I’d post links for what we will be doing for preschool and k-3rd grade. Feel free to share any thoughts you have.

Pop Quiz

Josh Winans — Mon, 15 May 2006 19:26:04 +0000

This article by Pastor Scott Thomas comes across obviously biased but worth reflecting on. What description best defines what we should be about? Here is the entire article. If you go there, take the test after the description of each church.

The Missional Church:

Sent by God as missionaries in their own culture (Mt. 4:19).
Exists to take Christ to the lost: Go to the world (Mt. 28:18-20).
Members are personally engaged in their communities (Acts 16:20; 17:6).
Submerged into its culture like Christ (Luke 7:34).
Main focus is training and equipping others to be missionaries (Eph. 4:11-16).
Dependent upon Holy Spirit to use individuals as agents for evangelizing (Acts 1:8).
Develops relationships with the lost on purpose (Matt. 5:13-16).
Relationships are the means to influence others in their journey toward Christ (John 15:12-17; 1 John 4:19-21).
The goal is to help others find Jesus in their own way and timing (1 Cor. 9:20-23).
Participants are affected in every way through a calling by God to be an agent for the gospel (Acts 4:13, 31-35).
Faith is practiced in community – groups of people together (Acts 2:42-45; Phil. 1:27).
Worship is unpredictable, spontaneous, Spirit-directed and messy (John 4:23-24).

The Evangelical Church:

Has a program of missions alongside numerous activities of the church.
Exists as a place for the lost to find Christ: Come to the Church.
Members are supportive of mission efforts.
Separated from its culture as a holy quest.
Main focus is supporting mission works – mainly overseas.
Dependent upon altar call and big events as its main tool for evangelization.
Knows a few lost people and prays for their salvation.
Uses marketing techniques & business principles to draw people to a corporate gathering.
The goal is to produce salvation results.
Participants conform to man-made standards through guilt and pressure. Change is through self-will, not Spirit.
Faith is practiced at the church building during prescribed gathering times.
Worship is structured, predictable and orderly.

The Institutional Church:

Sends money to missionaries in foreign countries if it is convenient.
Exists for the members of the church: Join the Church.
Members expect pastors to bring in the lost and unchurched.
Has become a sub-culture of Christians living in a parallel universe.
Main focus is supporting church activities to attract new families.
Dependent upon pastors and staff to evangelize the lost.
Stays away from the lost; has very few dealings with those outside the church.
Uses tradition, denomination and family ties to attract and keep members.
The goal is to increase attendance.
Participants compartmentalize their religion and their lives – generally facades of religious adherence.
Faith is a routine activity that is private and personal.
Worship is ritualistic.