I recently ran accross this article by Scott Croft (Elder at Capitol Hill Baptist Church) entitled, “Brother, You’re Like a Six.”  The article deals with the way in which attraction far too often becomes the foundatoin and focus of dating, relationships, and marriage. 

Regardless of your stage in life I would encourage you to read it.  It has helpful thoughts for all of us regarding our sinful tendencies and will equip us to serve our brothers and sisters in the body as they look towards marriage.

Here are a couple of quotes from it to whet your appetite.

The fundamental theological problem with the “attraction-as-foundation” approach to dating and marriage is that the approach grossly distorts the biblical definitions of “love” and “marriage.” What’s the big question most people agonize over with regard to finding a spouse: “How do I know if I’ve found the one?” As my friend Michael Lawrence pointed out in his article “Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend,” “the unstated goal of the question is ‘How do I know if she’s the one … for me.’”

And that’s essentially selfish. I don’t mean that such an approach involves malice or the intent to hurt anyone. I simply mean that such an approach is self-centered. It conceives of finding a spouse from the standpoint of what will be most enjoyable for me based on my tastes and desires. What will I receive from marriage to this or that person?

Though husbands and wives receive countless blessings from a biblical marriage, the very idea of biblical marriage describes an act — many acts — of love, service, sacrifice, and ministry toward a sinful human being. According to Scripture, marriage is anything but a selfish endeavor. It is a ministry.

What sense does it make to undertake that ministry based primarily on a list of self-centered (and often petty) preferences? If your idea of attraction — whatever that is — dominates your pursuit of a spouse, consider: Is your approach biblical?

I once counseled a Christian brother in his dating relationship with a great woman. She was godly, caring, and bright. She was attractive, but not a supermodel. For weeks I listened to this brother agonize over his refusal to commit and propose to this woman. He said they were able to talk well about a lot of things, but there were a few topics he was interested in that she couldn’t really engage with, and sometimes the conversation “dragged.”

He also said that, while he found her basically attractive, there was one feature of hers that he “just pictured differently” on the woman he would marry. I would ask about her godliness and character and faith, and he said all those things were stellar (and he was right). Finally, he said, “I guess I’m looking for a ‘ten’.”

I could hold back no longer. Without really thinking, I responded, “You’re looking for a ‘ten’? But, brother, look at yourself. You’re like a ’six.’ If you ever find the woman you’re looking for, and she has your attitude, what makes you think she would have you?”

…and I could have gone on quoting- Enjoy.