Serving, Not Judging Our Wives
The marriedlife blog’s most recent post confronted the tendency of husbands (none that I know of course) to walk into their home more ready to judge their wives than to serve them. I have quoted the post in full below.
Men, have you ever walked in the door from a long day at work to find your home a wreck, your wife crashed on the couch, and the kids hypnotized by the television? If you are like me you might think to yourself (first bad move), “What on earth is going on here?” Then you decide to say, “Love, what have you done all day?” (Second bad move) Back peddle quickly if you can. Most likely it is too late. You have judged your wife.
Sinful judging never bears good fruit, does it? All the ways God has been at work are overlooked. Grace isn’t celebrated. She, as Jerusha has been many times, is tempted to be more discouraged. Now what?
Praise God he has an answer for all judging-and all sin for that matter-seek forgiveness through the blood of Christ. Seek God’s forgiveness & seek your wife’s forgiveness. Then walk out repentance by extending mercy. Start by highlighting how God has been at work.
Two other things help me not judge my wife as I walk threw the door:
1. Scripture Memory-One passage that has helped me avoid judging is the sober warning found in Romans 2:1 “Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.”
2. Seize the Commute-whether it is 15 minutes or an hour, ample time awaits us to pray against judging and posture our hearts to serve and love our wife as we walk through that door.
Let’s pray that God make us humble—and much slower to judge. Let’s bring “the atmosphere of mercy” into our marriages.
May we as husbands enter our homes each day with an eagerness to serve and encourage rather than an expectation to be served or to judge.
July 12th, 2006 at 8:08 am
Let me first assert that I fully agree that as husbands we can come home and have a very wrong heart attitude towards our wives when we find things not as we would have hoped.
On judging:
The author quotes the following passage-
Romans 2:1 Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.
Seems to say we are not to judge, but let us first look at the “Therefore” that starts the sentence. Going back to Romans 1 starting at verse 18 it is very clear that Paul is talking about “…unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness.” So? Does that change how we are to interpret Romans 2:1?
1st Corinthians 5:9-12
9 I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. 10 Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person.
12 For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside? 13 But those who are outside God judges. Therefore “put away from yourselves the evil person.”
Paul wrote this in response to sin within a specific local church that was not being judged by those who were the members of the body. Paul himself writes in verse 3: “For I indeed, as absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged (as though I were present) him who has so done this deed.”
Considering this further council of the Word we are not to judge those outside of Christ for that is of God to Judge, yet those who claim to be His we have a responsibility to judge in a manner that is edifying to men and glorifying to God.
July 12th, 2006 at 8:40 am
On Spouses:
Hypothetically speaking let us say my wife stopped by my work on the way home from running some errands. On my desk are some reports my boss asked me to get done and I am supposed to be at a meeting finding out about our next project that I am supposed to head, but currently I am at my desk taking a break playing with my Rubik’s cube. One may rightly ask “What on earth is going on here?”
Scenario 1: I have been working all day on my reports and now find myself exhausted and that taking a quick break will really help me out in my presentation during the project meeting.
Scenario 2: I haven’t done much of anything all day. I hate that guy Fat Bob from marketing so I am not going to the meeting and I seem to care less.
In scenario 1 I need some words of encouragement from my supportive wife letting me know she appreciates the hard work I am doing and that she will be there for me when I get home. Scenario 2 on the other hand isn’t looking so good for me. Here my wife needs to remind me that God has no reward for the lazy man, that I am forsaking my responsibility as a husband and a father by not ensuring that I provide for my family, and that my attitude towards Bob is in no way Christ like. Love is not easy, as a matter of fact I think it is the most difficult thing on this planet. Love is more than letting something slide because it may be uncomfortable, really loving someone is having the will to bring up sin knowing that it will bring them closer to God and that is more important than how they regard you, even if it is your wife. (Ultimately though, if your wife is growing closer to God then she will grow closer to you as she seeks to please God in fulfilling his commands, but that is another story.)
Follow after Christ is a narrow road and one can fall off to the left just as easily as to the right. Taking one Christain principle and not applying it with the wisdom of the whole Bible means you just fell to one side trying to avoid the other.
July 12th, 2006 at 9:35 am
Nick,
Sounds like you need to get rid of your rubix cube. Seriously though, thanks for the comments. You are right on about the need for care and balance in judging. Here are a few thoughts that both echo and expand on what you said.
The particular context of Romans 2:1 is referring to the self-righteous attitudes of legalistic unbelieving Jews. Paul is seeking to bring them to see that they are just as sinful and just as much in need of a Savior as any pagan Gentile. However, when it comes to application it does seem fair to say that the principle here is true for all of us- if we judge another and practice the same things we are essentially judging ourselves. Perhaps a better place to go for this would have been Matthew 7:1-5 where Christ talks about removing the log in your own eye before you remove the speck in someone elses.
With regards to judging- there is certainly a balance to be found and great care to be taken. We are certainly to judge each other as Scripture portrays (1 Corinthians 5-6 and Matthew 7) and we certainly aren’t to judge each other as Scripture also teaches (Matthew 7, Romans 14:3-4, Colossians 2:16, James 4:11-12). The key is to determine…
Who are we judging- unbeleivers or believers.
What issues we are judging- preference issues of biblical issues,
What we are judging- clear cut actions or hidden and assumed motives of the heart,
The condition of our own hearts- full of sin and pride or humble and loving,
The manner of our judging- gentle and truthful or harsh and slanderous,
The goal of our judging- tearing down or building up.
Perhaps there are more guidelines than this but these are a few that came to me. Certainly there are complexities even within these questions.
While the author of the blog could have been more thorough and precise I would defend him on two fronts- first- I believe their had just been some teaching on judging in this church in the last couple weeks where many of these other details and nuances were probably covered. Second- his point is still well taken- as you yourself affirm. From personal testimony it is easy to come home questioning why the kids are such a wreck and things so chaotic rather than walking in the door ready to serve and appreciate my wife- let us not miss this as the overall point.
July 12th, 2006 at 10:30 am
I agree.
The only thing that I find hard is the use of Romans 2:1 as he applies to his wife, understood to be saved. I think there is a great danger is using scripture like that. The right verse for the subject. Otherwise when your congregation searches out the sricptures they will find that you are molding them for your usage. The point in Romans 2:1 is made to the self-righteous attitudes of legalistic unbelieving Jews and through consulting other Biblical text we can apply principals from Romans to spousal relationships. I believe we are to use scripture to interpret scripture, and to obtain the application in Romans 2:1 and reading James 4 would be an outstanding place to start.
It is a very critical issue to me to use the correct scripture, especially when you don’t know your audience.
To Tim:
Not trying to be argumentative or discrediting. I agree 100% with what we should concern ourselves with when judging, seems to be what James was telling us. Personally it is a blessing to me to search the Bible and discover more of God’s directives to how I live my life.
July 12th, 2006 at 11:39 am
Nick,
Thanks for your comments brother. In the end I agree with you and to be honest I even wondered about the Romans 2:1 usage when I originally posted.
It seems that this passage shouldn’t be used in this way since it wouldn’t fit with the overall point of the passage that preacher would be seekign to expound. Not only that but this application, as you have pointed out, would possibly lean towards distorting the interpretation of the passage.
Good and sharpening stuff. Thanks.